There is this wrestling match between independence, self-sufficiency, and isolation, verses satisfying friendships, community, and dependence on one another.
Is the wrestling match with God, or our own selfish desires? For the society we live in is becoming, and has become more selfish, lovers of self rather than lovers of God, which in the long term erodes society and community, creating more suspicion rather than love. Does this fall in line with the passage in James?
1What is causing the quarrels and fights among you? Don’t they come from the evil desires at war within you? 2You want what you don’t have, so you scheme and kill to get it. You are jealous of what others have, but you can’t get it, so you fight and wage war to take it away from them. Yet you don’t have what you want because you don’t ask God for it. 3And even when you ask, you don’t get it because your motives are all wrong—you want only what will give you pleasure. James 4: 1-3 New Living Translation
I enter the later, suspicion, self-dependence and independence, possibly wrong motives. Thus becoming more and more depressed and isolated, with this sense of separation there forms a wall. This begins to build a fortress to protect oneself, and also adds to the feeling of separation that other people and self find hard to climb over.
I share with someone at my work my struggles and it was like a weight was lifted from my shoulders.
Once again, I stumble across a book I had not seen before in the library where I work, no doubt a God thing, not a coincidence.
“Articulation or giving witness to our experience. The growth process, psychological and spiritual, is predicated upon the need to communicate one’s innermost movements, feelings, and thoughts to another. This is the means by which we bring objectivity to our subjectivity.
The process of entrusting another with our ‘story’ makes us transparent before God and is of itself one of the most effective means of prayer, opening us to the possibility of new revelations of the Word for our lives. Indeed, the Psalmist demonstrates how the witness of his own experience, whether dark wresting’s or joyous celebrations, lead to revelation (see Ps. 145). ” Pg 16 How to Conduct A Spiritual Life Retreat By Norman Shawchuck, Rueben P. Job, and Robert G. Doherty
This inner wrestling and turmoil, is the birthing of my and our new identity, there is pain, like with childbirth, the process of new life coming forth, a new birth spiritual is daily in the works, as God is into the formation process makes us ready, for our role, and it is in this transformation and new creation that we begin to see who we are, allowing our true self to surface.
I had mentioned I was feeling a little blue these last few weeks and this was another book I find when re shelving. Real Solutions for Overcoming Discouragement, Rejection and the Blues. By Norman Wright
I put forward this question: Can depression be healthy?
“Healthy depression involves realistic feelings of pain, sadness, disappointment, guilt, or anger. It could stem from a loss, trauma, past issues, or unfair treatment in some way. It is normal response to the upset you have experienced. It’s based on reality. You’re still able to function in your daily life, but you are less effective than usual. May feel helpless and may even withdraw for a few hours or a day or two. Even though you feel hurt, you still have hope and the expectation that this will change. You may get down on yourself, but any feelings of self – blame are transient. You also learn from this experience.”
Then there is unhealthy depression, the words immobilized and feeling damaged come to mind. The way you feel is based more on distortion or denial of what is occurring, or there has been too much dumped on you for you to cope.
‘It has been suggested it’s best not to think of depression as a disease to be avoided at all cost, but a process that’s either productive or unproductive. It’s possible for depression to have a purpose and it’s purpose is to help a person resolve some inner struggle. If the struggle is resolved and the person moves forward, then depression is purposeful.” Real Solutions for Overcoming Discouragement, Rejection and the Blues. By Norman Wright
Take steps to get needed help, for healthy depression can turn into unhealthy depression if not listened too.
What is the lesson I have to learn, do I learn from the experience?
Ask yourself these questions:
- What is my depression trying to tell me?
- What may be causing this reaction?
- Would sharing this with another person help? If so, with whom will I talk?
- What scripture would be helpful to read at this time?
- What type of behaviors or activities would help me at this time?
The 3rd question and last question I implemented. I went and made a new friend at work and talked, sharing the issues. Secondly number 5 I started doodling again, which I find a relaxing and mediative process.
I also have revisited the Pray as you go site and recommend that you visit this wonderful prayer site and make a daily discipline to listen and drink deep from what they offer. http://pray-as-you-go.org/home/
Discovered on the Pray as you go site. Some music I would one day like to purchase that they use to to get you into the right frame of mind to reflect and pray.
We are the wounded, the walking wounded.
This we all are
In need of a touch of heaven
This we have had in Jesus
Why are we still the walking wounded?
I discovered there are wounds that are still in need of healing!