A Journal entry 29th October 2012
I close my eyes, start to breathe to relax and focus myself, hearing a clock tick, and some rumbling of traffic in the background, then there is the mental noise: What are you doing this for? Who do you think you are, that you think you can hear God?
Then a list of all the to do’s start rushing to my mind! I push them aside to focus, and try to visualize Jesus sitting next to me or walking with me sometimes on the beach and the waves of the sea touching our toes. At times I say the Jesus prayer: Jesus Christ son of God have mercy on me or the words of a song:
Turn/fix your eyes on Jesus look full in his wonderful face and the things of the world will go strangely dim in the light of his glory and grace.
I ask God a question, then after this ask what do you want to say to me today?
4 Keys to Hearing God – You Can Hear God’s Voice!. The model learnt from this book by Mark Virklar
I write as if God is speaking directly to me, and this is a journal entry I found as I was flipping through my journal. This is an entry that resonated with me.
Dear Mark or add your name,
You have been drifting from me and at the same time drawing near to me, like the ebb and flow of the waves. This is a rhythm and its okay, but I don’t want you to be tossed around and caught in a side eddy in a pocket of water trapped, going around in circles.
You are finding it hard at present to be still and to quiet yourself before me, and life is partially to blame, kids, work, getting your son to school, and other son to childcare.
I’m your God, I need to be put into your time as a priority also, if you don’t, you will dry up and die, because I am your sustainer, the one who gives you life.
As you have meditated on the deer that pants for water, so your soul pants for me. You are thirsty for more of me even parched and longing with expectation to receive from me, your Lord and God that living water, that you know can only be received from me to sustain you.
You are rebelling and neglecting the gifts I have placed with in you. There is a need to first draw near to me, the source of life and I will give the hope, vision, and anticipation of what I the Lord want you to do. I need to impart the vision in to your life. But you need to be still long enough for me to do this, you need to wait for me, and know me, rest in me.
These are the first qualities I need of you, intimacy with me, get to know me, and you find this hard, like you find it hard in life with getting to know people, learn to spend quality time with me and others. I want you to be with me.
You get frustrated when life prevents you from moving forward. But have you considered it is me that is holding you back, as you are not ready for the next stage of your life because you have not built the foundation of just simply spending time with me your God. Draw near to me and I will draw near to you.
You have the desire to get to know me, fan that into flame again, You are rebelling and frustrated at times and want to move to a different church, but you have realized the problem lies deep with in you, and you need my help to heal a lot of the problem areas in your life. Then there are some areas you just have to come to term with, they are just part of who you are.
You can’t be something you are not, you have to discover who you are and what I your Lord have gifted you to accomplish, and let me lead you.
The question was: Dear Lord, where am I going wrong in life and rebelling and not entering into the fullness of your plan for you, me, and my family?